Laugh Your Scrubs Off: 30 Hilarious Nursing Jokes

Knock, knock. Who’s there? I'm sorry; that information is protected by HIPAA.

Cue the fun. Let’s be honest, nursing is hard. And while you should take yourself seriously when attending to patients and providing care, there is always a little room for some lightheartedness and laughter.

That’s why we have scoured the web and collected some of the most hilarious nursing jokes out there. From community forums to classic jokes that have been causing belly laughs in nurses for years, a good joke will carry you through even the most chaotic nursing shifts.

Studies show that laughter cools down your stress hormones and stimulates circulation. Whether you have a short giggle or end up kneeling in hysterics, it's time to inject a little fun into your daily nursing routine.

Here are the top 30 nursing jokes to help brighten your mood on those long days that call for a joke or two. Have a favorite nursing joke of your own? Share it with us in the Nursa Community!

Patient humor jokes

As nurses, nothing is more important than your patients. However, sometimes, patients can be difficult—or, as some might say, impossible. So while nursing calls for professionalism and compassion, it’s also important to lighten your load every once in a while.

That said, here are a few patient humor jokes that may bring a smile to your face and the faces of your hard-working nurse colleagues:

What did the nurse say to the patient who was terrified of needles? “Don't worry; we have plenty of pointless conversations to keep you distracted!”
Nurse to patient: “You are suffering from very high blood pressure and amnesia.” Patient: “Well, at least I don’t have high blood pressure!”
Nurse to patient: “Do you have any hearing changes in the ear?” Patient: “What?”
Nurse to patient: “Can you point out where your hip pain is located? And may I touch your hips?” A 90-year-old patient: “Go ahead. My husband has been dead for years.”
Patient to nurse: “Will I be able to play the piano after this procedure, nurse?” Nurse: “Of course.” Patient: “That's amazing, because I couldn't before!”

Nurse jokes

Nursing is my superpower. What's yours? Nurses are the backbone of healthcare and are thrown into high-stress situations every day. Humor is a great tool to remind all nurses to slow down and laugh a little.

Here are some funny nurse jokes, including one-liner nursing jokes that will have you in stitches. Get it?

What did the patient tell the nurse after receiving a painless injection? “Good jab!”
What makes a nurse move at the speed of light? “The smell of strong coffee coming from the break room!”
Why are nurses afraid of large gardens? “Too much poison IV.”
What do you call a nurse who is happy, relaxed, and smiling? “Off-duty.”
What’s it called when a hospital runs out of maternity nurses? “A midwife crisis.”

Nursing one-liner jokes

Sometimes the best nursing jokes are short quips that pack a punch and a dose of laughter in just a few words. Here are some amusing one-liners that don’t disappoint:

Don’t mess with me—I get paid to stab people with sharp objects.
When you get a bladder infection, ur-ine trouble.
Nursing: When you’re not sure if it’s Saturday or Tuesday.
Don't worry, I've seen this procedure done on YouTube tons of times.
If I had a dollar every time someone vomited when I walk into the room, I'd be very rich.
What type of nursing do pirates go into? “I-RRRRRR” (interventional radiology).

Nursing dad jokes

Any nurse will tell you that many dads are hilarious when they step into a healthcare setting to receive medical care. Maybe it’s because they have mastered the art of using humor as a coping mechanism to deal with raising wild toddlers or rebellious teens.

Either way, there is wit and tenderness about dads who make jokes in a nursing setting. Here are some jokes that came from dads around the country that will surely make you smile:

Every dad from the boomer era who gets an MRI: “Wow! I guess I really do have a brain!”
A dad getting his ears checked out by an ENT doctor: “Can you see to the other side?”
A dad is waiting for his wife to be discharged after giving birth to his daughter. He starts talking to another dad whose wife just gave birth to a son: “My daughter was just born yesterday. Maybe our children will marry someday!”
Nurse to a dad: “What prior surgeries do you have?” Dad: “Two hip replacements, two knee replacements, a shoulder replacement...” Wife: “I’m thinking about selling him for parts!”

Slightly unrefined nursing jokes

It’s a fact: Flatulence, feces, urine, and other bodily fluids are all things you will encounter while working as a nurse. As a nurse, you will have also probably become quite comfortable with having daily conversations about these topics with patients.

So, without further ado, here are a few slightly unrefined jokes inspired by the unpleasant aspects of a nursing job:

I wear bodily fluids that aren’t mine and work holidays and weekends. Tell me how hard you work again?
What do transplant nurses hate? “Rejection.”
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? “It runs in your jeans.”
What did the nurse say to the tonsil? “You should get dressed because the doctor is going to take you out.”
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal one? “The taste.”
Nurse: “I’m about to place an IV.” Patient: “I’m not going to look.” Nurse: “Me neither.”
Have you seen that movie about constipation? “It hasn’t come out yet.”

Knock-knock jokes about nursing

Who doesn’t love a good knock-knock joke to entice some giggles? Okay, so sometimes knock-knock jokes can be a bit cheesy, but they are definitely enough to break up the chaos and add some laughter after a long day of nursing.

Here are a couple of knock-knock jokes that will bring a chuckle to a nursing colleague or two:

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Urine. Urine who? You’re in trouble if you don’t do a bedside report!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Night shift. Night shift who? Never mind; it can wait until the day shift.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Uncle. Uncle who? Uncal herniation.

Why is humor important in nursing?

Humor is important in nursing because it provides stress relief. According to one survey, 56 percent of registered nurses (RNs) expressed that they deal with a great deal of stress during their work.

This is due to the general nature of nursing, which often involves high-pressure job demands, expectations, and considerable responsibility.

Multiple studies indicate that laughter helps alleviate nervousness and may even increase self-efficacy and resilience. Furthermore, research shows that laughter and humor improve motivation in a professional work environment.

Laughter, therefore, serves as a valuable tool in a nursing environment to break up otherwise constant stress.

The bottom line? Laugh a bit more!

In nursing, there is a time to be serious and a time to let go and laugh a bit more.

It’s important to follow your hospital’s protocols and policies; if you feel that your sarcastic banter could offend a colleague or patient, it’s better to refrain. However, the next time you see that spirits are a little low around your facility, you may want to pull your colleague aside and crack a joke or two. Also, if you see your patient throw you a pun, it may be appropriate to joke with them as well.

At the end of the day, nursing is well worth all the hard work, and humor may be the best medicine to get through your shift.

Looking to bring a smile and healing to a patient in need? Register with Nursa to find local per diem nursing jobs at a facility near you.

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